Hi Friends,

I had this dreamy vision of laughter, tasty food, and silly dance moves with my fiancé Jon at our engagement party. But, spoiler alert—reality hit hard! Instead of the fun fest I imagined, I found myself caught up in a whirlwind of stress, second-guessing every detail like I was starring in a reality show with too much drama! Honestly, it was over four months ago now, and I'm only now really able to talk about the more painful parts of my engagement party experience.

Looking back, I can almost laugh at the chaos (almost). If only I'd known a few things before jumping in! So, let's figure out how to turn this potential disaster into a celebration you'll actually enjoy. This should be an exciting start to your wedding adventure, not a stress test for your sanity!

You Deserve to Feel Like a Bride

If I could hit rewind on my engagement party, I'd make it *my* moment instead of just the awkward wallflower at my own engagement/birthday party. I get that weddings are about the couple, but let's not forget: you deserve your time to shine! My fiancé felt bad when he noticed I was more of a host than a queen that day. So, when it's your turn, make it all about YOU!

Don't let the craziness swallow you whole. Whether it's snagging that killer dress or hiring a coordinator to handle the details, prioritize your joy! I was so busy entertaining everyone that I forgot to soak in the excitement for myself.

Remember, this is your celebration. Speak up! Being thoughtful doesn't mean sacrificing your happiness. You're the star of the show, so embrace that spotlight and soak in every delicious moment!

Hire a Professional Coordinator (Or At Least More Help)

I thought I could totally handle my party on my own. I mean, I'm the DIY queen, right? Why pay for a day-of coordinator when I could save some cash? Spoiler alert: I definitely should have hired someone!

I had a gorgeous venue with all my favorite people, and there I was, in my stunning gown, trying to put out fires like a whirlwind. The venue was a local art gallery with zero staff, except for our fantastic bartender, Nick (seriously, Caps Bar Co. in MA is a gem!).

Just when I thought I had everything under control, the playlist decided to take a nap at the worst moment, and the lighting malfunctioned like it was auditioning for a horror movie. I was running around like a headless chicken—I could've used a referee just as much as a wedding planner!

Honestly, if I'd just splurged on a day-of coordinator, I could've been sipping champagne instead of freaking out. If you're planning your big day, please learn from my chaos: invest in a coordinator if you can't afford a planner. Seriously, don't go it alone! It's way more trouble than it's worth, and you want to enjoy your day, not stress over every little detail!

Don't Skimp on the Basics, Like Food and Music

I had the perfect playlist ready to get everyone on the dance floor, right? But the sound system decided to take a nap the second the first guests rolled in. Perfect timing!!! By the time we finally got music playing, the vibe was off. I think I saw a few people doing that awkward "I've got an early meeting tomorrow" shuffle to the door. Ugh!

And the food? Total disaster. I thought keeping it simple would be smart, but those appetizers were practically served frozen! How does that even happen? I could hear guests' stomachs grumbling while they pretended to enjoy icy bites. The last thing I wanted was for people to suffer through sad snacks.

Cutting corners on catering is a huge mistake. It's much better to spend a bit more to keep everyone happy and well-fed than to deal with the cringe of a culinary catastrophe. Lesson learned!

When Joy Feels Like a Balancing Act

You know me—I've always loved celebrating the big moments, so when I got engaged, I expected pure joy with my fiancé and my favorite people. Instead, I found myself caught up in a storm of unsolicited advice and constant criticism. It was like my happiness was an inconvenience rather than a celebration.

I thought love would smooth everything out, but instead, I was tiptoeing around someone else's mood swings. I was supposed to be basking in the joy of this new chapter, not dodging emotional landmines.

Despite clearly stating what I wanted for my engagement party, all my requests were ignored. Food I specifically didn't want showed up, and decorations I never approved were everywhere, and I was meant to feel like a favor had been done for me. My simple and elegant dream for the event? Completely replaced by someone else's vision. An hour into my own party, I was still scrambling to salvage the mess and get myself ready while someone ran amok, changing everything.

When I finally stood up for myself, I got a cold "I can't believe this," as if I was wrong for wanting a say in my own celebration. I was met with disbelief. It was as if I was the unreasonable one! That's when reality hit: my needs weren't a priority, and they never would be.

What should have been a special day became a harsh reminder of how easily someone can undermine you when they refuse to respect boundaries. It wasn't just the party that was ruined; it was the entire experience—the excitement and joy were stripped away piece by piece.

Looking back, it's highlighted a pattern where someone who should be my biggest supporter acted like my toughest critic. I've learned the hard way that I can't change someone who won't celebrate me.

From now on, I'm focused on protecting my happiness and surrounding myself with true supporters—people who genuinely cheer me on, not just those who feel obligated to show up. Setting boundaries isn't selfish; it's about respecting your happiness and well-being.

It's tough to let go of the fantasy that some relationships could magically transform, but pouring my energy into those who uplift me has been life-changing.

Pay Attention to Potential Conflicts Before They Erupt

Looking back on that night, the real circus wasn't just the logistics but the drama! I thought a simple celebration would bring everyone together, but it felt more like an episode of a reality show gone wrong.

I completely overlooked the tension brewing under the surface. I kept telling myself, "It's a party! Everyone will be on their best behavior." Spoiler alert: they weren't. I stood there with my punch bowl, watching everything unravel in slow motion.

Honestly, I should have checked in with a few folks before the big day. A quick chat could have saved me so much hassle. So here's a nugget of wisdom for you: if you sense some vibes might clash, trust your instincts! Maybe talk it out or even rethink your guest list. People bring their baggage, and it's on full display at parties!

Next time, I'll be more strategic about my guest list and maybe even play peacemaker ahead of time. Because really, who needs family feuds when all you want is a carefree celebration—and a slice of cake? Life's too short for that drama!

Don't Be Afraid to Get Security if You Need It

You know what I'd totally rewind on? Not hiring security. Seriously, how did I miss all the warning signs? Things went from chill to full-on chaos in the blink of an eye—at one point, someone called the cops! I was standing there thinking, "What on Earth just happened?"

Look, I know some folks might roll their eyes and call me dramatic, but let me tell you, when that stress ball in your stomach starts to twist, it's not just nerves. For weeks, I felt something was off, but my friends brushed me off like I was being paranoid. Spoiler alert: I wasn't!

When you start feeling that knot in your gut, listen up! There's that saying, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure," I should've slapped that on my wall! My friends teased me for wanting to hire security, but they were dead wrong. If you sense trouble brewing, trust your instincts.

Don't Ignore Your Own Needs — Delegate the Planning

I can't help but chuckle at my own stubbornness. I really should have delegated more responsibility to the folks I knew could handle it, especially those who had already proven time and again that they'd go above and beyond. Instead, I put way too much faith in people who weren't quite expecting to help in the way I truly needed. It was like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

By refusing to lean on those who were genuinely up to the task at first in fear of putting them out, I found myself feeling a bit unsupported and honestly overwhelmed. The irony? The very people I brought in later to help were absolute rock stars! If I'd just trusted my instincts and given them a shot from the beginning, I could have saved myself a lot of stress and a few late nights of staring blankly at my screen, wondering why I was making things more complicated than they had to be.

It's totally normal to have fears about delegating tasks. You don't want to seem like you're passing the buck or throwing someone else under the bus, but it's essential to recognize who you can truly count on. If someone makes you feel bad for that, you need to question their true intent in your life.

You've got to toss that guilt aside! There's nothing wrong with asking for help when you know someone is better suited for a specific task, which often leads to better results—and a lighter load on your shoulders. Embrace the idea of teamwork, and don't shy away from letting others shine. You might just find that the support you seek has been waiting on the sidelines, ready to jump in all along!

Give Yourself Grace

The hardest part of this engagement experience has been coming to terms with how different it was from what I had envisioned. I had this dreamy picture of being the "perfect bride" with the flawless engagement party, and instead, I ended up feeling totally heartbroken. Trying to focus on the positives just reminded me of how traumatizing it all felt. Honestly, it's okay to admit that! It's natural to be upset, overwhelmed, or even mourn the experience you thought you'd have.

If your engagement or wedding doesn't go as planned (and trust me, they often don't), remember to cut yourself some slack. It's not a reflection of your worth or love for your partner — it's just life throwing a curveball.

Looking back now, I can pinpoint where things went awry, but I've also seen how much I've grown. I realized that while no event is ever perfect, that doesn't mean it can't be deeply meaningful. So, if you're planning your own engagement party or wedding, take a breath! Reflect on what really matters to you and make those choices intentionally. Sometimes, it's worth spending a bit more or asking for help. You'll end up with a day that feels right for you, imperfections and all!

Lessons Learned:

At the end of the day, your engagement party—or any wedding-related event—is all about celebrating you and your love story. Don't let anyone steer the ship but you! Hire the right pros, lean on your friends and family, and focus on what matters. Boundaries? Set them. Need help? Just ask! This is your special moment—own it with pride!

I'd love to hear your thoughts! What are your best tips for keeping wedding planning stress-free? Drop a comment below or share your experiences on social media—let's get the conversation going! If you want more helpful tips like these, sign up for our free monthly newsletter here!

So, what boundaries are you setting for your big day?!